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Sunday, 10/22/06
Internet adulteryCharges in the Evans
divorce highlight online communications that can break up a
marriage
By VIVI HOANG found
at rctimes.com
 The Internet, with its easy, often free access to temptation,
has increasingly played a role in marital discord and divorce, say those who've
witnessed the aftermath.
Country singer Sara Evans' filing for divorce from her husband
of 13 years, Craig Schelske, drew attention last week to the door the Internet
has opened. Among the allegations, Evans accuses Schelske of soliciting sex on a
popular online ad site, according to court documents. He denied the
allegations.
In most cases, cheatingspouses don't go online intending to be
unfaithful, experts say. But the Internet's power to connect people means one
thing — even something as innocent assearching for fellow hobbyists or an old
acquaintance — can often lead to another.
Prominent local divorce attorney Rose Palermo started to
notice about eight years ago that as computers became more prevalent, online
chats and the results of those conversations were more frequently being cited as
the reason for break-ups. Spouses would strike up relationships in chat rooms,
which sometimes led to arrangements to meet in person.
"That does still happen," Palermo said. "That's broken up a
lot of marriages."
She has seen marriages fall apart because a spouse decided to
use the Internet to track down and reconnect with an old flame.
"They think when they're doing these things, they're
invisible, but hard drives on the computers can be analyzed," she said. "Cell
phone records can be looked at."
Legally,people are within their rights to rifle through the
home computer, Palermo said. They can pull out information from the hard drive
such as e-mails and Web site history.
"If somebody, for instance, writes a diary and keeps it under
the bed and the spouse finds the diary, that's admissible," she said. "Stuff on
a computer is analogous to keeping a diary."
Can you install software to track your spouse's suspected
online philandering? The answer is unclear, Palermo said: Federal law doesn't
consider any such interceptions admissible evidence. Case law in Tennessee,
however, says that sort of information cannot be used as direct evidence but can
be used in rebuttal, for example, to confront an apparent falsehood.
Tommy Jacobs, owner of The Jacobs Group private investigations
firm, says his firm gets many cases involving Internet-related infidelity. The
firm usually gets called in to run surveillance and follow a spouse suspected of
adultery to get video footage of clandestine meetings.
He's noticed that, in addition to chat rooms and online dating
sites, the social networking site MySpace.com is a particular hot spot. People
often go to the site, which boasts tens of millions of users, to meet others
with similar interests.
Those encounters can sometimes inadvertently result in
relationships.
"A lot of times, they're not necessarily going on there to
find someone," Jacobs said. "Sometimes it's just incidental; that's the way it
ends up happening."
A common sign of a possible affair, said Jim Ball, owner of
Ball Investigative Agency, is spouses' changing their computer or e-mail account
password so they're no longer accessible. Other signs: hiding their cell phone,
answering it in a covert manner and having cell phone statements sent to their
work address rather than the home.
When the thrill of marriage starts to wane, people become
vulnerable, said Elisabeth Lynch of Counseling Professionals in Nashville. If
that emotional disconnect is great enough, spouses may feel their needs are
better met by people they've met on the Internet.
"I've had clients leave their spouse (for someone else), and
they've never met the person before," she said. "They've conversed for six
months, a year, and they have a more intimate relationship with the people in
the chat rooms than their spouse."
In addition, people spending copious amounts of time attached
to a computer, such as avid computer game players, can leave their spouses
feeling neglected.
"They become addicted to the social part of it, the
excitement," Lynch said. "It's fun, and their life is not. These people
understand them, how they feel. Their spouses can't compete."
An addiction to online pornography, a predicament that Lynch
has observed more often affecting husbands than wives, means the husband has
brought a third element into the relationship — a concept of beauty and
sexuality the wife often can't compete with.
Computers make it easier for a person to keep their activities
secret, Lynch said. Without any obvious indications something's afoot,
unsuspecting spouses may simply believe their partners are doing harmless online
browsing rather than pursuing illicit affairs.
"The temptation is just there. It's in your face," Lynch said.
"It's not like it used to be, where you literally had to go out of your way. Now
it's not; every time you turn the TV on, turn the computer on, it's everywhere.
It's so easily accessible, with no accountability." •
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