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Black Belt Seducer

Instructs Men How To Pick Up, Attract And Seduce Women with The Houdini Trick.

 

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How do lovable losers get hot babes and hot girls? It's magic

Why do magicians get all the hot babes? Audiences were more impressed with David Copperfield's six-year relationship with supermodel Claudia Schiffer than with any of his actual performances.

"Street magician" David Blaine -- the guy who suspended himself in Plexiglas above the Thames in London for 44 days, during which he was mercilessly taunted by passersby -- has a stunning list of conquests. He has dated waifish singer Fiona Apple, model Josie Maran, Daryl Hannah and even Madonna.

Harry Houdini's many accomplishments extended to women, too. Even though he was short, stocky and slightly bowlegged, his future wife, Bess, never had a chance. She was part of a dance team called the Floral Sisters, performing on Coney Island -- and reportedly dating Harry's brother. Within two weeks, they were married.

Now we're hearing about the exploits of one Criss Angel, who became famous for levitating on his A&E show. He became even more famous for a brief fling with the rebounding Cameron Diaz, and then more famous still when it turned out that he had a wife he forgot to mention in Long Island.

More recently, Angel was spotted on the town in Las Vegas with the discerning Britney Spears. Was it love? Or just an artistic collaboration?

"Criss is a magician -- he knows how to do low-level hypnotism," one of his pals told Us magazine. "If he ran into Britney Spears, I'm sure it was like shooting fish in a barrel."

Let's attempt to separate illusion from reality for just a moment. When even gorgeous, wealthy women with spiritual advisers on retainer are falling for these tricks, what chance do the rest of us have?

That point is being driven home by the VH1 series "The Pick-Up Artist." According to the official description, eight "hapless horndogs" are learning to woo women under the tutelage of the legendary Mystery, a makeout master.

One of the lovable losers showed up for the challenge wearing an "I gave blood" T-shirt. The subtitles under each of the contestants are my favorite part: "Joe W., 24, Women think he's gay," and "Brady, 25, Afraid to pull the trigger." One of the aspiring studs admits that he still lives in his parents' basement, which doesn't have a door.

According to Mystery -- who is aided by his "wingmen," J Dog and Matador -- the secret to getting women is confidence, body language, psychology, playing hard to get, a staggering amount of man jewelry and party tricks. This is a show that samples the New Kids on the Block hit "The Right Stuff." And the juvenile tone implies that everything you ever needed to know about chicks, you learned in kindergarten: Just pull her hair and pretend you don't like her.

"Oh, I have stories, man," Mystery tells his awed charges, describing the time he picked up a woman in a grocery store and had her naked in his hotel room within 25 minutes. If only he used his powers for good.

Suddenly, I feel like I understand. This explains the phenomena of David Spade, Wilmer Valderrama, Scott Baio and Kid Rock. It's all trickery.

At this point, I think it's safe to say that love is a game. And women don't seem to be winning.