Editor's note: Some links in this story lead to
adult material and are not suitable for viewing at work. All links of this
nature will be noted with "NSFW" after them.
found at wired.com
The latest iPod sex toys accessory: the OhMiBod audio-responsive vibrating
dildo.
"It's the first insertable music-driven sex toy," the two tell me,
handing over a smooth vibrating shaft in iPod-white and the earbuds to an iPod
Shuffle. The vibrator pulses in time to a loud hip-hop track.
"Got any country on that thing?" I ask. He obligingly skips ahead a
few songs to Gretchen Wilson's "Here for the Party," and the vibrator
almost leaps out of my hand with its full-speed-ahead buzz, only easing off for
a breath between verse and chorus.
OhMiBod (NSFW)
founder Suki Dunham and her assistant have traveled from afar to the Adult
Novelty Expo, or ANE, to show their prototype around and get adult stores
interested in carrying the real product.
It's not the first vibrator that responds to music, though, and that's a
theme that ran throughout ANE: new riffs on existing motifs.
This trade show is much more subdued than its sister, the annual Adult
Entertainment Expo that kicks off the new year in Las Vegas. ANE has few
porn stars and fewer fan boys, no high-definition television sets hanging from
the ceiling, no red carpet awards show.
This is my second year at ANE and it has already grown large enough to sprawl
through several hotel ballrooms and one air-conditioned tent high on the hill of
Universal City. Families with Universal Studios shopping bags walk past cryptic
signs like "ANE: More Exhibits" and "ANE: Networking Mixer,"
unaware that behind closed doors and long curtains awaits an array of vibrators,
dildos, books, cock rings and prostate stimulators, along with enough lube to
slide every college student in America into home base at the same time.
Much of what you'll find in sex stores for the next year is discussed,
debuted and discounted-in-bulk here.
Candida Royalle, founder of the Natural
Contours (NSFW) line of sculptural vibrators, showed me her latest.
The Idéal is a cordless, wand-style vibrator with a (literal) twist: Its curved
handle fits as easily in your left hand as in your right. Its vibrating head is
about the same size as the classic Hitachi
Magic Wand (NSFW), so any attachments you have will fit the Idéal as
well.
Gill Lamon, co-owner and buyer for Come
as You Are (NSFW) in Toronto, researches and orders products at the
show, explaining that new items will arrive at the store over the next several
months. Cory Silverberg,
another Come as You Are co-owner, keeps an eye out for products especially
adaptable for people with disabilities.
I had a delightful time tasting the Sugar Lips makeup line by Erotic
Cosmetics, (NSFW)coming away with a sample of the new "Kiss my
Cinnabuns" lip and nipple gloss tucked in my bag. I'd always wondered how
porn stars could stand to give blow jobs wearing all that awful-tasting
stage-makeup lipstick, and now I know: They don't have to wear the yucky stuff
if they don't want to.
I also sampled the Chocolate Decadence body butter from Ceduxion
(NSFW) ("That's not a sex accessory, that's frosting!" I
exclaimed), and got a temporary tattoo applied by Get Naughty Tattoos owner
Joyce Bordelon herself. Walking around with "Sex Kitten" emblazoned on
my bicep definitely helped put me in the spirit of things. (No, I didn't get a nipple
pastie tattoo (NSFW) in the middle of the show floor.)
I didn't see many radical innovations, just more colors, shapes and faces
added to the standard vibrator-and-dildo paradigm.
I showed a few retailers my demo model of the Je
Joue (NSFW) handset and asked why toy makers are still so focused on
vibration when other types of stimulation are just as good -- and sometimes even
better. Most balked at the Je Joue's interactivity component, implying or
stating outright that women aren't interested in (or are too dumb to try)
downloading pleasurable patterns off the internet.
I let that slide and focused on showing them the moves. The Je Joue's
textured -- in my case, gently pronged -- pleasure pad moves up and down and
back and forth and twirls around. It even vibrates, if you want it to. But it
simulates the feel of oral sex and fingertips rather than defaulting to
high-frequency vibrations, creating pleasure that builds to explosive orgasms
without leaving your delicate bits numb or tired. (My full review is here).
This is apparently baffling, yet intriguing, to many retailers. But I'm not
the only one who would love to see more products like this, and several of the
folks in the "What You Should Know About the Internet" seminar wanted
to know more -- a good sign indeed.
The Cone weighs less than a pound, is about 7.5 inches in diameter at the
base, and includes an orgasm button for emergencies. Photo:
Twisted Products
One new vibrator did catch my eye. Sara Parkinson, managing director of
Twisted Products, showed me The
Cone (NSFW). This is a soft, pink, vibrating cone, sporting a
7.5-inch base and weighing less than a pound.
You can sit on it, nestle it between your thighs, penetrate yourself in full
Lotus, or flop on your belly and read a book on it. It ripples at various
intensity levels, and you can press the orgasm button at any time if you get
impatient. "I've never lasted more than two minutes with it," said
Sara.
I squeezed it gently with my hand, but Sara held it up higher. "Put your
nose on it," she said.
"You folks really do things differently in the U.K.," I commented,
cheekbones pleasantly stimulated.
As usual, the boys' toy box is less full than the girls'. But several
variations on the prostate massager made it to ANE, including the
popular-in-the-U.K. Nexus line from Pleasure2Me
(NSFW). The Nero is the wider, more advanced version, while the slimmer
Glide includes a roller ball to stroke the perineum ("almost tongue-like
sensations," promises the brochure) and ribs at the base.
"It's the best for blow jobs," says Pleasure2Me's Neil Riley, who
uses the Glide with his wife about twice a month. She guides it into him and
moves it around by the handle while she takes him in her mouth. He compares his
resulting orgasm to a woman's, describing a ripple effect where all three areas
of stimulation -- prostate, perineum and penis -- come together.
"Then you walk like John Wayne for three weeks," he jokes.
I touch, but don't ride, both the Monkey
Rocker (NSFW) and its inventor Dan Siechert. Retailing for about
$800, the cybersex-ready rocking chair holds as much as 450 pounds and works
with a variety of dildos and anal toys.
Dan assured me that it does not require much assembly -- "it almost
doesn't qualify as 'assembly,' it's so easy" -- and said that I won't have
to ask my engineer boyfriend to put it together for me like I did my gas grill.
And my bed. And my Ikea computer desk.
I have to admit that while I enjoyed meeting up with old friends (both
products and people), I'm also disappointed. Don't get me wrong. It's wonderful
to spend time with sex-positive folks who make their living helping other people
increase their sexual pleasure.
But I would have liked to see more newfangled ideas, more plans and
prototypes that challenge the status quo. If you're working on something,
perhaps I'll see you here next year?
Until then, see you ...
Regina Lynn
Regina Lynn never
gives the status quo a moment's peace in her book :
Deliberate
Orgasm Duet